Kitchen Foreplay

Before I get too far down the rabbit hole of my kitchen fantasies, I need to backtrack. In order to understand just how vivid my dreams have become, it's important to know where we are starting. Imagine, if you will, a U-shaped kitchen with about 8 feet of total, usable counter space. Of course that space also needs to accommodate a microwave, toaster oven, coffee maker and coffee grinder.

What the kitchen lacks in counter space it makes up for in cabinets. There are cabinets all the way to the 10-foot ceiling. Of course, most of those are unreachable and therefore unusable, leaving us with about 10 linear feet of cabinets.

Did I mention the drawers? There are 6 sort of normal sized drawers, housing flatware, dishtowels and the non-negotiable wine instruments. There are also 4 comically sized drawers about 3 square inches across - so tiny that one holds just a can opener and some measuring spoons.

Gee, what gal wouldn't get all hot and bothered with a kitchen like this?

Did I mention, our house was built as a duplex in the 1930s, so I have not one, but TWO kitchens like this! It would be ideal if I kept Kosher, but I don't. Instead, what I keep is half my beloved items, like my KitchenAid stand mixer, on the other side of the house. Which means when I want to use it, I have to risk appendages to carry it to my work space. I have never, in all the years in this house, made an entire, large, meal in only one room. And that, in essense, is my fantasy.

What is Kitchen Porn?

I'm not sure why the phrase "kitchen porn" rolled off my tongue so easily. I think it's always been in the back of my mind - every time I wandered through a home improvement store, IKEA or one of those high-end of kitchen design showrooms, I always just thought "This is what it must be like for people who are into porn." They fantasize about what they'll do with and in these rooms and they figure the biggest, best equipment and shiniest toys will make them happy, even if just for a little while.

Now, after five years of dealing with what can easily be described as the saddest, smallest kitchen outside of perhaps Tokyo, we're finally getting ready to remodel our kitchen. And now I can indulge my kitchen porn fantasies.

First stop . . . magazines.